So Many Roads
July 9, 1995
Soldier Field
I'm a pretty positive person, and I love the Grateful Dead, so I suppose it's best to simply say... this final show should serve as a good cautionary tale as to what happens to an artist if s/he doesn't take care of her/himself. That's about the most positive I can glean from it. The only other thing that I could say is... this show reminds us of how great that they once had been. I was in tears listening through Jerry fumbling through Unbroken Chain, unable to solo, unable (for the most part) to even play the lick that everyone else plays while he was supposed to be soloing. That struggle was always part of what made the band great... struggling with passion, with inner demons, trying to get hands to play things that the mind could only dream. But this wasn't the same KIND of struggle. Unbeknownst to us, it was a struggle with death. It makes me sad to hear Jerry reduced this way... the same guy who played that Slipknot on 8.13.75 (as one of a billion examples of his otherworldliness.) I reflect after hearing it on the fact that sometimes it's important not to candy coat... to think everything was wonderful that the boys did-- they didn't think so, either-- but to recognize what was happening at a given place and at a given time. I'm sure that Jerry was doing what he could with what he had, because he loved us, his fans, so desperately much. He was a people pleaser. Whenever he was up to it, he gave it his all. I won't rate this show with stars, because it makes me uncomfortable. I won't trash this show, because I have no idea how hard they were trying to make this come off. But I will say that it is extremely difficult to hear a band you've loved all the way back to the early 70s sound like this. It was a different band, on some level. I intuit that, while Jerry never gave up on music or on us, he gave up on himself... and what a wonderful, funny, brilliant and original person he was. I'm reminded of Garp's dream... the man who could do magical things but couldn't feel them until he took his gloves off and died. Maybe Jerry could never really feel his importance or how well loved he was. I'd rather think it was more that that just selfish, self-centered addiction. My positive is this: Because this was the LAST show, doesn't mean it typified the Dead... who they were... what they were about... how they sounded. I doubt any of us would've fallen in love with them in the first place if they'd sounded like this when we started listening. But it is testament to their unbelievablosity that we all sit here, posting our thoughts, some enthusiastic, some dreadful... taking time to commemorate what happened to be the end... because the beginning and middle were so fucking interesting!!!
